


Thelma and Louise

by KisstheRainWriting



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Comedy, F/F, Fluff, Gay space shenanigans, Lil bit of swearin lil bit of lustin, Reader is The Doctor's Companion (Doctor Who), Romance, feels weird tagging your own piece as comedic, like I hope
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:41:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23419165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KisstheRainWriting/pseuds/KisstheRainWriting
Summary: The Doctor's asked you to retrieve a powerful ancient artifact while he saves a alien civilization. It would be a regular Tuesday, if you weren't supposed to drive a flying bike off a cliff. Luckily for you, it's a two-seater, and Missy shows up.Shameless flirting,  90s film references, and a miffed Doctor ensue.
Relationships: Missy (Doctor Who) & Reader, Missy (Doctor Who)/Reader, The Doctor (Doctor Who)/Reader, The Master (Doctor Who)/Reader
Comments: 5
Kudos: 77





	Thelma and Louise

“Oh, I hate this. I quit.” Your words half spat, half mumbled, you climbed onto the scrap heap and perched on its seat. The hard metal strips pricked your thighs. The Doctor had said that the flying-alien-bike-thingy was only a few hundred years old, and—direct quote—‘looked like it still had a brake system.’ Sometimes you hated that man.

“Sure,” you exhaled, squeezing the handles. “Make it back to the base, find the ancient disseminator-doodad. Fly over a canyon. Easy-peasy.” You frowned as you looked over the control pad. Thank god the TARDIS was nearby and translating for you. You pressed a few buttons, and the engine shuddered to life. The whole bike began trembling. You applied forward pressure on the handles, and the bike jolted toward the edge of the cliff with a grinding shriek. Your heart in your throat, you slammed on the breaks. “Fuck fuck fuck, not yet!”

“Do you even know how to drive that thing?” A familiar voice drawled. Your body couldn’t decide if it should tense up further or relax at the sound, freezing halfway between the two.

You turned, and there she was, umbrella taping the rocky terrain, coiffed hair and full skirts looking wildly out of place. “Hi, Missy. You’re just in time for the joy ride.”

Her signature half-sneer played at her lips. “You still have the parking brake on, ape-brain.”

You squinted back at the controls and swore. She chucked low in her throat. “How long have you been skulking around?” you asked her as you skimmed more instructions on the screen.

“Oh, sweetheart, I don’t _skulk_. I lurk.”

“Of course you do,” you grinned in spite of the hundred-foot drop that still loomed in front of you. “Wouldn’t be here to see little old me, would you?”

“Awfully confident for someone about to plummet to her death.” Missy approached the bike, twirling her umbrella in loose loops. “You didn’t really think that the Doctor would be the only one interested in the Nuriven Graviton Disseminator.”

“Honestly? Yes.”

Missy snorted. “Lucky for you it’s a two-seater. Budge up.”

You only hesitated a moment, scooting obediently forward when she waved a hand at you. The bike dipped a little as Missy propped herself on the seat. She’d had to hike her skirts up to mount the bike, and they rustled about her waist. You pointedly kept your eyes trained forward, teeth working on your lower lip. She straddled the bike behind you, legs wrapping around hips, black tights creating friction against your blue jean shorts and sliding against your bare legs. As she leaned forward to grip the handles, she pressed snugly against your back.

Your voice was strained. “Uh, shouldn’t you be in the front if you’re driving?”

“We could debate positions all day,” Missy said, her words formed close to your ear. You could feel her breath on your neck, hot and sweet, and you squirmed. When she spoke, there was an affected nonchalance, but her brogue thickened. “Or we could get this show on the road. Figuratively speaking, of course.”

“If we Thelma and Louise right now…” you warned, but with your eyes on the cliff’s edge, you were all but shaking. You didn’t trust this space bike. You felt her lips curl against the shell of your ear.

“Don’t worry, dear, this is nothing like that. There’s more text than subtext between us.”

And with that, she slammed the handles forward, the bike launching off the cliff at god-knows-what-speed. For a moment, you hovered in the air.

Then the bike dropped.

A scream ripped from your chest, but you could barely hear it over the roar of the bike and the wind rushing past your ears. Your stomach flipped, full on somersaults, and you squeezed your eyes shut. Not sure how far you’d fallen, you braced for impact.

_“Weeeeee!”_

Your eyes snapped open as the bike leveled out, and you could faintly hear Missy cackling behind you.

“I hate you!” you shrieked, but you hadn’t loosened your grip from her forearms. “You did that on purpose!”

“You really thought you were going to die!”

“You’re the worst, Missy! The absolute _worst_!”

You felt her lips grin into your hair. “Flatterer.”

The bike was fast, very fast, and you were probably in the air for a grand total of five minutes. You nearly launched yourself off the bike when it landed on the canyon’s other side. Instead, you very anticlimactically slid off, rather lightheaded, and almost collapsed into the dust.

“Ah, there you are,” Missy trilled, catching your arm before you fell. She hoisted you up, and in spite of how thoroughly pissed you were, you all but crumpled into her side. “Shaky on your feet, ape-brain?”

“You…” you began, but words escaped you as your stomach churned.

“Yes, _me_ ,” Missy grinned. She sounded rather pleased with herself and none too disappointed to have you in her arms. “All right, pet, the graviton disseminator’s this way. Step lively.”

* * *

When the TARDIS materialized and the Doctor stepped out, sonic sunglasses shading his eyes from the planet’s three suns, he found you flat on the ground, eyes still squeezed shut and breathing through your nose.

Even more surprisingly, your head was lying in Missy’s lap, her purple skirts sprawled out. She played with your hair idly as she sat, and when she saw the Doctor, her face broke into a smug grin.

“Y/N?”

“I—oop.”At his voice, your eyes shot open, and you tried to sit up. Wobbling, you settled back down on Missy’s legs. “Hi, Doc.”

Not quite sure what to say, the Doctor settled on an eloquent: “What?”

“Thanks for the wheels, Doctor,” you could hear Missy smirking, even if you couldn’t see her face. “Couldn’t have gotten the disseminator without you.”

“My pleasure,” he said, no trace of humor in his voice. “What have you done to my companion?”

“Oh, she’s _fine_. Just a little discombobulated, the big diva.”

“She drove me off a cliff,” you accused weakly, but you leaned into Missy’s hands as she caressed your locks. “Head’s a bit on the fritz.”

You inhaled deeply, nose full of Missy’s perfume, and then stretched. One arm up above your head, your back arching. You could feel her bright blue eyes on you, taking her time as they trailed up your body. You gave her an impish grin, and heard the Doctor tut behind you.

“As much as I hate to go,” Missy tapped your nose. “I’m afraid it’s ta-ta for now.” She affected a weird Texan accent, and not a very good one. “Don’t hang on, darlin’.” You heard her Vortex Manipulator fire up, and as suddenly as she’d appeared on the cliffside, she was gone.

As Missy dematerialized, your head landed on the ground. “Oof.”

The Doctor gave you an unimpressed look as you scrambled into a sitting position. “Fun date?” he snarked.

You smiled up at him, lifting the small, surprisingly compact doodad that you’d snatched from Missy’s pockets mid-flirt. “It was a productive one.”

Surprised, he started chuckling. He gave you a hand up and tugged you to your feet. “Y/N L/N, should never have doubted you. Probably.”

“I’m _never_ doing that again. Why would a flying bike have a parking brake, anyway?”

“… Fair enough. You ready to save a planet?” he asked, taking the graviton disseminator.

“Just promise you’ll catch me if I start to topple over.”

Light-years away, Missy reached into the pocket of her dress, rummaging around before freezing. Her hand came back up empty. 

Her eyes narrowed.

Then, in spite of herself, she laughed harder than she had in months.

**Author's Note:**

> AN HERE


End file.
